Along my journey, I found the deepest healing and transformation happened when I allowed myself to soften. This was not something that came naturally for me, as I leaned heavily into the masculine way of being during my retail career. I was always the doer, the achiever, the keep-moving-forward-no-matter-what woman, the woman with walls to keep people out, not expressing my emotions…I was hard, I was focused, I moved up the ranks…but inside I was stifled, unfulfilled, hurting.
The first few steps of my journey, I held tight to these walls. Walls that were created for my protection were what prevented me from healing. In order for me to heal, I needed to soften. While I was keeping out all that I feared would harm me, I also kept out that which could heal me. Love, creativity, forgiveness, compassion. I was keeping out the feminine essence that I needed to embrace. An embrace of deep love and understanding, coming from the deep wells within my Sacred Vessel.
Softening, surrendering, and deepening were terrifying to me. I could not understand or even comprehend that toughening up and shutting down my emotions were doing more harm than good. I was not fully living. I was merely existing. I was holding my own self back and down while blaming everyone else for my then-current situations. The power I thought I was preserving and protecting I was actually giving it away and replacing it with bitterness, anger, and suppression.
This began to change when I began to soften into the Divine Feminine. I began to feel something stir inside me, an awakening of a part of myself that had long been dormant. It was a loving presence. She was calm, she was balanced, she was compassionate. She placed a silent invitation on my heart to come and rest in Her presence. It felt welcoming and it felt warm. I would make my way to Her, but I would first have to remove the layers that kept her hidden.
This journey within called to me, only getting stronger the more I resisted. Once you are awakened to the hidden parts of yourself, and you feel a connection to something waiting to be explored and excavated, it stays with you. It asks you to allow yourself to open to its expansiveness. It asks you to be vulnerable and share your truth. It asks you to show yourself the love, forgiveness, and compassion you have denied yourself. It asks you to begin to live in a new way of being. It asks you to soften into surrender.
This, I would soon find, is the way of the Divine Feminine on my path of healing.